“When you produce peace & happiness in yourself, you begin to realize peace for the whole world.” – Thich Nhat Hanh
My delivery date has been set for the week of October 15th. The baby will be a Libra, my rising sign. For those of you who haven’t been following my blogs the past 2 months, the “baby” is my book, Twelve Mindful Months.
In August I was impatient for this overdue baby to come, but now that it’s really happening, I’m beginning to feel the same anxiety I’ve heard mothers-to-be experience. Did I make the right decision to become a parent (author) at this time in my life, will my baby be healthy (accepted) and loved, will I be good at mothering (helping its readership to grow)?
The title of this blog is the same as the October chapter title of Twelve Mindful Months, and the theme is (once again), so relevant to my life right now. “The tradition of Halloween is in the air this month, which makes it an ideal time to observe the masks we may wear, and the fears that still haunt us.” Rereading the text I first drafted 3 years ago, I ask myself the same questions I ask my readers. Am I haunted by “ghosts of my past” (self-doubt), or are these just normal anxieties for a mother/author-to-be? Is it a fear of showing a new side of me as I bring my book into the world?
I’ve been a “closet-writer” most of my adult life, but now I’m coming out of the dark and into the light to “go public” and publish Twelve Mindful Months because I feel its message will benefit other women. If one can produce any form of art, music, or beauty which others can enjoy, then to not share it seems selfish. Before I moved to California, during my last few years in New England, I developed a passion for gardening. I dug up my small front lawn and planted a cottage garden that extended from my close-to-the-street home to the road. Walkers and drivers were able to witness my garden’s growth throughout the seasons. It was deeply satisfying in a way that my backyard garden wasn’t. It wasn’t an ego thing, but more a feeling of sharing a joy with the world. That’s how I feel about my book, that I hope to cultivate new ways of thinking and seeing that will inspire others’ souls to blossom.
Good-bye ghosts of my past – I’m leaving you behind as I take my mask off and give birth to my creative soul, my baby, my book, Twelve Mindful Months. I feel those contractions starting now, but as I take a few deep breaths, and allow calmness to filter in, I feel peace & happiness for me – and for the whole world.